thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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