I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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