You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
