I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
