Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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