You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
