I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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