We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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