if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
