Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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