what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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