New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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