sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
