you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
