I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
