shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
