i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
