I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
