How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
