you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
