i barfeds in our rink
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
