What a fucking waste of an outfit
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
