it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
