We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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