so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
