Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
