drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
