just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
