Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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