After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
