He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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