I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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