The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
