i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
