you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
