Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
