you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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