i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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