4 words: hood of his car
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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