i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
