i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
