I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
