I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
