You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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