Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
