they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
