Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
