Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He kissed a someone with a penis
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
