So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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