Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
