I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
