apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
