Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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