Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
