I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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