My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Say something about gay babies.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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