I'm eating all of the evidence.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
