is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
