I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
