He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He passed out mid-signature
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
