I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
