did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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