Having a random hookup so left but love u
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
